DVS Offerings

Sunday, Sep 15
12:09 AM

Maternal Congruence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A Christmas visit from his mother has Leonard discovering she's kept a lot of news from him that she shares with Sheldon and worrying if she'll approve of his romance with Penny.

TV-PG

1:09 AM

Bozeman Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A robbery of their apartment sees Leonard and Sheldon call on their friends to devise a security system.

TV-PG

2:09 AM

Large Hadron Collision, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Leonard is offered a trip to Switzerland on Valentine's Day to see a particle accelerator, he must choose between taking Penny or Sheldon.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Sherlock Holmes (DVS)

Sherlock Holmes has made his reputation finding the truth at the heart of the most complex mysteries. With the aid of Dr. John Watson, his trusted ally, the renowned "consulting detective" is unequaled in his pursuit of criminals of every stripe, whether relying on his singular powers of observation, his remarkable deductive skills, or the blunt force of his fists. But now a storm is gathering over London, a threat unlike anything that Holmes has ever confronted and just the challenge he's looking for. After a string of brutal, ritualistic murders, Holmes and Watson arrive just in time to save the latest victim and uncover the killer: the unrepentant Lord Blackwood. As he approaches his scheduled hanging, Blackwood--who has terrorized inmates and jailers alike with his seeming connection to dark and powerful forces--warns Holmes that death has no power over him and, in fact, his execution plays right into Blackwood's plans. And when, by all indications, Blackwood makes good on his promise, his apparent resurrection panics London and confounds Scotland Yard. But to Holmes, the game is afoot. Racing to stop Blackwood's deadly plot, Holmes and Watson plunge into a world of the dark arts and startling new technologies, where logic is sometimes the best crime-fighting weapon--but where a good right hook will often do the job.

TV-14

4:09 AM

Bozeman Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A robbery of their apartment sees Leonard and Sheldon call on their friends to devise a security system.

TV-PG

5:09 AM

Large Hadron Collision, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Leonard is offered a trip to Switzerland on Valentine's Day to see a particle accelerator, he must choose between taking Penny or Sheldon.

TV-PG

6:09 AM

Sherlock Holmes (DVS)

Sherlock Holmes has made his reputation finding the truth at the heart of the most complex mysteries. With the aid of Dr. John Watson, his trusted ally, the renowned "consulting detective" is unequaled in his pursuit of criminals of every stripe, whether relying on his singular powers of observation, his remarkable deductive skills, or the blunt force of his fists. But now a storm is gathering over London, a threat unlike anything that Holmes has ever confronted and just the challenge he's looking for. After a string of brutal, ritualistic murders, Holmes and Watson arrive just in time to save the latest victim and uncover the killer: the unrepentant Lord Blackwood. As he approaches his scheduled hanging, Blackwood--who has terrorized inmates and jailers alike with his seeming connection to dark and powerful forces--warns Holmes that death has no power over him and, in fact, his execution plays right into Blackwood's plans. And when, by all indications, Blackwood makes good on his promise, his apparent resurrection panics London and confounds Scotland Yard. But to Holmes, the game is afoot. Racing to stop Blackwood's deadly plot, Holmes and Watson plunge into a world of the dark arts and startling new technologies, where logic is sometimes the best crime-fighting weapon--but where a good right hook will often do the job.

TV-14

9:09 AM

And the Escape Room (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Han believes his diner employees are not working together as a team, so he insists they all attend a mandatory night out at the Escape Room club.

TV-14

3:09 PM

Change-Up, The (DVS)

Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch's estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other's lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.

TV-14

4:09 PM

One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

Atlanta Braves @ Washington Nationals (DVS)

MLB 2019 Sunday Games

8:09 PM

Label Maker, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

Change-Up, The (DVS)

Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch's estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other's lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.

TV-14

11:09 PM

Man of Steel (DVS)

Clark Kent/Kal-El is a young twenty-something journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond anyone's imagination. Transported to Earth years ago from Krypton, an advanced alien planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question - Why am I here? Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha and Jonathan Kent, Clark soon discovers that having super abilities means making very difficult decisions. But when the world needs stability the most, it comes under attack. Will his abilities be used to maintain peace or ultimately used to divide and conquer? Clark must become the hero known as "Superman," not only to shine as the world's last beacon of hope but to protect the ones he loves.

TV-14

Monday, Sep 16
12:09 AM

Wrath of the Titans (DVS)

A decade after his heroic defeat of the monstrous Kraken, Perseus, the demigod son of Zeus, attempts to live a quieter life as a village fisherman and the sole parent to his 10-year old son, Helius. Meanwhile, a struggle for supremacy rages between the gods and the Titans. Dangerously weakened by humanity's lack of devotion, the gods are losing control of the imprisoned Titans and their ferocious leader, Kronos, father of the long-ruling brothers Zeus, Hades and Poseidon. The triumvirate had overthrown their powerful father long ago, leaving him to rot in the gloomy abyss of Tartarus, a dungeon that lies deep within the cavernous underworld.

TV-14

3:09 AM

Mr. Deeds (DVS)

When Deeds inherits controlling interest in a media corporation from his deceased uncle, he's quickly besieged by opportunists gunning for their piece of the pie. When Babe, a television tabloid reporter posing as an innocent smalltown girl, is sent to do an expose on Deeds, she instead feels herself falling in love.

TV-14

6:09 AM

Mr. Deeds (DVS)

When Deeds inherits controlling interest in a media corporation from his deceased uncle, he's quickly besieged by opportunists gunning for their piece of the pie. When Babe, a television tabloid reporter posing as an innocent smalltown girl, is sent to do an expose on Deeds, she instead feels herself falling in love.

TV-14

7:09 AM

Game Plan, The (DVS)

Quarterback Joe Kingman is known as one of the toughest players to ever take the field. Blessed with amazing strength and agility, he's famed for being able to handle any hit, no matter how ferocious. Kingman's Boston-based pro football team, The Rebels, is chasing their long-awaited championship and Joe has been living the ultimate bachelor fantasy: he's cool, rich, famous and the life of every party--and there are a lot of parties. But his dream is suddenly sacked for a loss when he discovers Peyton, the 8-year-old daughter he never knew existed, on his doorstep. Now, just as his career is soaring, Joe must learn to juggle his old lifestyle of parties, practices and dates with supermodels while tackling the new challenges of ballet, bedtime stories and baby dolls--all without fumbling. Equally perplexed is his hard-edged mega-agent, Stella Peck, herself without a parental bone in her body. But, as the championship grows nearer, Joe is about to realize that the game that truly matters has nothing to do with money, endorsements or even touchdowns--it's all about the really tough stuff: patience, teamwork, selflessness and winning the heart of the one little fan who turns out to count the most.

TV-PG

8:09 AM

Change-Up, The (DVS)

Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch's estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other's lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.

TV-14

9:09 AM

And the Not Regular Down There (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is puzzled and curious when her new beau expresses hesitations about intimacy because he is "not regular down there." Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg struggle to get pregnant.

TV-14

12:09 PM

And the Not Regular Down There (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is puzzled and curious when her new beau expresses hesitations about intimacy because he is "not regular down there." Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg struggle to get pregnant.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Kiss Hello, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry stops greeting friends with a kiss. Uncle Leo puts Nana in a nursing home.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One Where Chandler Crosses the Line, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler is guilt-ridden after kissing Joey's girlfriend. Ross' musical talents are not as amazing as he and Phoebe think.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One with the Jellyfish, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross loves dating Rachel again but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One with All the Resolutions, The (DVS)

Friends

On New Year's Eve, the friends make resolutions for the coming year but keeping them proves difficult.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One Where Ross Is Fine, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. cannot cope with his precocious triplets.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One with Ross's Tan, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One with the Prom Video, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Moody Foodie (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

When the restaurant receives a bad review from a food critic, the Belchers fear that the negative press will keep customers away. When Bob shows up at the critic's house for a redo, his plan quickly spirals out of control when the kids and his fellow restaurant owners show up to support him.

TV-14

Tuesday, Sep 17
12:09 AM

Boopa-Dee Bappa Dee (DVS)

Family Guy

The Quahog 5 News reports an ongoing price war between airlines has led to extremely reduced fares. Lois takes advantage of the situation and purchases tickets to Italy for the family.

TV-14

1:09 AM

In Harmony's Way (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and Quagmire both scream when a bee flies by and realize they harmonize well together. They start writing and singing songs in their spare time. Mort overhears them one day and is amazed by their talent. He offers to manage them since he used to have his own record label in the 70's.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Peter Problems (DVS)

Family Guy

Lately Peter hasn't been able to perform very well in the bedroom. So he asks Quagmire and Joe to step in and help him get his mojo back.

TV-14

3:09 AM

Brian's a Bad Father (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian receives a call from his son, Dylan Flannigan, who wants to reconnect with him. At first, Brian is hesitant to meet up, but changes his tune when he discovers Dylan is the star of a new television show.

TV-14

4:09 AM

3 Acts of God (DVS)

Family Guy

It's football season and the Patriots have just lost their tenth game in a row. A disgruntled Peter joins Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland at The Clam to drink and complain about their home team. Peter suddenly has an epiphany while watching the post-game show: the teams that defeat the Patriots consistently thank God for carrying them to victory.

TV-14

5:09 AM

Set Up, The (DVS)

Final Space

An act of betrayal shakes the crew. Hue and Mooncake have a boys' day out.

TV-14

8:09 AM

Doorman, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

A doorman tries to cause trouble for Jerry. Kramer develops a male undergarment.

TV-PG

9:09 AM

Doodle, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment.

TV-PG

10:09 AM

And the Basketball Jones (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max & Caroline interfere with a basketball game in an attempt to promote their cupcakes, but the chaos that ensues threatens to ruin their business' reputation.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the No New Friends (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline falls in with the wrong crowd when she tries to make new friends after Max reconnects with an old friend.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Diplomat's Club, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Kramer woos a rich Texan in hopes she will finance his women's fashion line.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Fake Party, The (DVS)

Friends

Trying to become better acquainted with her sexy client, Rachel inadvertently thwarts Ross' plans for a romantic evening with his girlfriend.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One on the Last Night, The (DVS)

Friends

The guys and the women prepare for big changes in their living arrangements.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One with Rachel's Big Kiss, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reveals a titillating secret about her and a former sorority sister. Ross and Chandler compete for wedding tuxedos.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One Where Rachel Tells..., The (DVS)

Friends

The real father of Rachel's baby is revealed; Monica and Chandler struggle to make their honeymoon flight.

TV-14

9:09 PM

One Where Rachel Is Late, The (DVS)

Friends

Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One Where Ross Got High, The (DVS)

Friends

On Thanksgiving, Chandler tries to gain favor with Monica's parents but an old secret involving Ross causes problems. Undomestic Rachel's dessert proves intriguing.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Smith in the Hand, A (DVS)

American Dad

Steve injures Stan's groin and feels terrible, inadvertently leading Stan to discover masturbation. Meanwhile, Roger opens a bar in the attic.

TV-14

Wednesday, Sep 18
12:09 AM

Con Heir (DVS)

American Dad

Stan's father returns and tricks Stan into helping him on a jewel heist.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Burning Down the Bayit (DVS)

Family Guy

Overwhelmed with financial troubles, Mort asks Peter and Quagmire to help him save his pharmacy. However, things take a turn for the worse when the trio decides to burn it down to collect insurance money.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Staircase Implementation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A squabble over the thermostat setting leads to Leonard going over to Penny's and recounting for her the story of how he met and moved in with Sheldon.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Robotic Manipulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard uses a robotic arm for his own pleasure, and Sheldon goes on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler, his first date ever, and Penny finds herself accompanying them.

TV-14

5:09 AM

Zazzy Substitution, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Sheldon breaks up with Amy Farrah Fowler, the guys worry when he starts replacing her with cats.

TV-PG

8:09 AM

Face Painter, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Elaine's boyfriend's behavior at a hockey game appalls her and Jerry.

TV-PG

9:09 AM

Injured (DVS)

New Girl

When Nick is hurt playing a game of touch football and Jess discovers he doesn't have insurance, she brings him to her doctor friend, an OB/GYN. The gang rallies together and Nick evaluates his life when his seemingly innocuous back injury may prove to be more serious than he thought.

TV-14

10:09 AM

Fancyman Part 1 (DVS)

New Girl

Jess reluctantly dates the wealthy father of one of her students. Meanwhile, Nick attempts to buy a new cell phone and Schmidt and Winston get ultra-competitive playing bar trivia.

TV-PG

11:09 AM

And the Lost Baggage (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max tags along with Caroline as she travels to Los Angeles on a film studio's dime to discuss the idea of making her riches-to-rags life story into a movie. While there, Max loses her luggage but finds a new crush.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Highlights of a Hundred Part 2 (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Bullies, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler and Joey are scared of two bullies. Phoebe meets her long-lost family members.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One with the Ick Factor, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica finds out more than she wants to know about her latest love. Chandler's friends at work treat him differently since his promotion. Ross' ex-wife begins giving birth.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One with Rachel's Sister Part 1, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel tries to help her pampered younger sister, Jill, find independence but Jill flirting with Ross is not part of the plan. Monica won't admit that she is sick.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One Where Monica Sings, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica exults in the applause she receives on karaoke night, unaware that the cheering audience can see through her blouse.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One in Barbados Part 1, The (DVS)

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One Where No One's Ready, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Stan of Arabia Part 1 (DVS)

American Dad

Stan gets stationed in Saudi Arabia and learns to love the Saudi lifestyle. Meanwhile, Hayley falls for a Saudi guy and Roger becomes a prince's concubine.

TV-14

Thursday, Sep 19
12:09 AM

Stannie Get Your Gun (DVS)

American Dad

Francine insists Stan and Hayley spend an entire day together so they can work out their differences about gun control. However, her plan backfires when Stan takes Hayley to the National Gun Association Land, where their conflicting opinions about gun control drive them even further apart. Back home, Roger schemes to get revenge on Steve for eating one of his cookies by convincing him that he's adopted.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Forget Me Not (DVS)

Family Guy

After a car accident, Peter, Brian, Joe, and Quagmire wake up in a hospital with no memory and discover that they're the last people left on Earth.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Ear-sy Rider (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

A biker gang hangs out at Bob's Burgers as they mourn the loss of their beloved leader "Horny Dave." Meanwhile, Louise has an identity crisis when her bunny ears are stolen and everyone - including the biker gang - rallies around her.

TV-14

3:09 AM

Desperation Emanation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon meets Amy Farrah Fowler's mother and comes to the realization he no longer wants to see Amy; and Leonard realizes everyone is in a relationship except for him.

TV-14

4:09 AM

Apology Insufficiency, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The rest of the gang is interviewed by the FBI for Wolowitz's security clearance with Sheldon accidentally letting slip some damaging information.

TV-PG

8:09 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

10:09 AM

And the Great Escape (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline lose Randy's dog while pet-sitting and risk their lives to find him, while a cannibalistic serial killer is loose in their neighborhood.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the Show Don't Tell (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

The girls go to see Martin perform in a prison musical, where they tell him they plan to open a dessert bar with Caroline's money.

TV-14

2:09 PM

Postponement, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Feeling overwhelmed, George wants to postpone marrying Susan.

TV-PG

3:09 PM

Wink, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.

TV-PG

4:09 PM

Soup Nazi, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry's favorite soup vendor won't serve his new girlfriend.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica and Richard experience the same romantic problems as Rachel and Ross. Joey's ill-advised comments to a fan magazine threaten his acting career.

TV-14

6:09 PM

One with the Thumb, The (DVS)

Friends

The group loves Monica's new boyfriend; Chandler resumes smoking; and Phoebe receives a large sum of money unexpectedly.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One with the Cuffs, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica tries to prove her mother wrong. Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss.

TV-14

8:09 PM

One with the Hypnosis Tape, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe is distraught when her brother wants to marry a woman twice his age. While working as a waitress, Monica gets a tip from an admirer worth a small fortune. A hypnosis tape makes Chandler act like a woman.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel meets a handsome stranger, who might help her career. Chandler gets into trouble with Joey's sisters.

TV-14

10:09 PM

One Where Chandler Takes a Bath, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica blabs her suspicions when she mistakenly believes Joey is infatuated with Phoebe.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Not Particularly Desperate Housewives (DVS)

American Dad

As Stan continues to dominate the household, Francine finds herself idolizing a group of women who seem to have it all. She tries to impress them and even lies in order to gain acceptance into their group, until she realizes they aren't as perfect as they seem. Meanwhile, loyalties are tested when Stan gets a new best friend.

TV-14

Friday, Sep 20
12:09 AM

Finances with Wolves (DVS)

American Dad

Stan gets a hefty bonus at work and uses it on himself, while Francine opens a muffin shop without Stan's approval. Now without a housewife at home, Stan puts Klaus's brain back into a human body. Meanwhile, Steve is convinced he's becoming a werewolf.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Mr. and Mrs. Stewie (DVS)

Family Guy

Stewie meets a little girl who might be his soulmate; Lois buys twin beds after Peter repeatedly crushes her in his sleep.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Brain Bowl Incubation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A successful gene experiment leaves Sheldon excited to procreate with Amy, and he pulls out all stops to get her on board. Meanwhile, Raj is reluctant to reveal what the new woman in his life does for a living.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Fetal Kick Catalyst, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Feeling his fetal offspring kick sends Howard on a baby-items buying binge with Raj; Sheldon and Amy host a brunch in their new digs; and Penny, by virtue of her virtuoso performance in "Serial Apist," is invited to a sci-fi convention.

TV-PG

5:09 AM

Brain Bowl Incubation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A successful gene experiment leaves Sheldon excited to procreate with Amy, and he pulls out all stops to get her on board. Meanwhile, Raj is reluctant to reveal what the new woman in his life does for a living.

TV-PG

6:09 AM

Secret Code, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

George conceals his ATM code from fiancee Susan.

TV-PG

8:09 AM

Swedes, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Things get competitive when Jake and Rosa work on an international case with a pair of Swedish cops. Terry and Amy offer to help Gina get ready for a test. Holt asks Charles to be his partner in a squash tournament.

TV-14

9:09 AM

Lockdown (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake is confident he can keep spirits high when the precinct goes into lockdown on Thanksgiving night.

TV-14

10:09 AM

And the Partnership Hits the Fan (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

A Law firm that's courting Randy for a job invites him and Max to dinner at a hip new restaurant with eclectic cuisine, but the evening veers off course when things don't sit well with Max.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the Big Gamble (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

In the season 5 finale, Max and Caroline learn Han is in trouble with a gang when he can't pay a substantial debt he amassed from gambling on women's tennis.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Gum, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Kramer complicates Jerry's quest to locate a special brand of Chinese gum.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Jam, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One Where Eddie Moves In, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey wants to move back in with Chandler, but there's a new problem. Phoebe tapes a rock video. Ross upsets Monica.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey challenges Phoebe to perform a completely selfless act. Monica gets upset when Chandler gloats about sex. Ross might finally reconcile with Emily but he must make a tough decision.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One with All the Resolutions, The (DVS)

Friends

On New Year's Eve, the friends make resolutions for the coming year but keeping them proves difficult.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One with Phoebe's Cookies, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica desperately tries to figure out a secret cookie recipe. Chandler fails to impress Monica's father.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One with Princess Consuela, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel goes to a job interview at a restaurant and winds up sitting next to her current boss. Joey feels abandoned because Monica and Chandler are leaving.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Roger 'n Me (DVS)

American Dad

When Stan goes to Atlantic City for a bachelor party and is shunned by his so-called best friend, Roger steps in and becomes Stan's new sidekick. Their friendship goes to a whole new level, but when they return home and face Francine, Stan realizes that what happens in Atlantic City doesn't necessarily stay there.

TV-14

Saturday, Sep 21
12:09 AM

With Friends Like Steve's (DVS)

American Dad

After Steve shows a lack of interest in Stan's job, Stan replaces him with Barry, Steve's obese friend, who is in fact malicious (without his medication) and plots to replace Steve completely. Meanwhile, Roger does an impressive keg stand and becomes a fraternity brother.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Tea Peter (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter joins the Tea Party but doesn't discover until it's too late that Carter Pewterschmidt is using the party to get rid of government for his own selfish motives.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night. When they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum family, Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

4:09 AM

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (DVS)

Framed for a crime they did not commit, the G.I. Joes must not only fight Cobra but also vindicate themselves to a government that condemned them.

TV-14

5:09 AM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night. When they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum family, Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

7:09 AM

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (DVS)

Framed for a crime they did not commit, the G.I. Joes must not only fight Cobra but also vindicate themselves to a government that condemned them.

TV-14

5:09 PM

One with the Birth Mother, The (DVS)

Friends

A prospective birth mother labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica and Richard experience the same romantic problems as Rachel and Ross. Joey's ill-advised comments to a fan magazine threaten his acting career.

TV-14

7:09 PM

One with Joey's Interview, The (DVS)

Friends

When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One with the Ride Along, The (DVS)

Friends

The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One Where No One's Ready, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One Where Joey Speaks French, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica and Chandler show Erica the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character. Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night. When they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum family, Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

Sunday, Sep 22
12:09 AM

Boyfriend Complexity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny asks Leonard to lie to her visiting father, while Howard, Raj and Bernadette spend all night looking through a telescope.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Justice League Recombination, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The guys get Zack and Penny to join their Justice League costume for a New Year's Eve bash at the comic book store.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Love Car Displacement, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard is jealous when Bernadette runs into her old boyfriend at a science event they're attending.

TV-14

3:09 AM

Yes Man (DVS)

Carl Allen's life is going nowhere--the operative word being "no"--until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say yes to everything--and anything. Unleashing the power of "YES" begins to transform Carl's life in amazing an unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work and opening the door to a new romance. But his willingness to embrace every opportunity might just become too much of a good thing.

TV-14

4:09 AM

Justice League Recombination, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The guys get Zack and Penny to join their Justice League costume for a New Year's Eve bash at the comic book store.

TV-14

6:09 AM

Yes Man (DVS)

Carl Allen's life is going nowhere--the operative word being "no"--until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say yes to everything--and anything. Unleashing the power of "YES" begins to transform Carl's life in amazing an unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work and opening the door to a new romance. But his willingness to embrace every opportunity might just become too much of a good thing.

TV-14

7:09 AM

And the Two Openings: Part 2 (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Part 2 of 2. Sophie goes into labor just before the Dessert Bar's grand opening and demands that Max and Caroline be present for the birth. Meanwhile, the girls run into problems when they don't secure a liquor license for their new venue.

TV-14

9:09 AM

Cabin (DVS)

New Girl

Jess invites Nick and Angie to spend a couples' weekend with her and Sam. Once there, however, she quickly discovers that two's company and four's a crowd. Meanwhile, Winston tries to teach Schmidt about race relations.

TV-14

10:09 AM

And the Two Openings: Part 2 (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Part 2 of 2. Sophie goes into labor just before the Dessert Bar's grand opening and demands that Max and Caroline be present for the birth. Meanwhile, the girls run into problems when they don't secure a liquor license for their new venue.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the Godmama Drama (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Oleg and Sophie's plan to have Max and Caroline as Barbara's godparents goes awry when Oleg's domineering mother arrives from the Ukraine for the baby's baptism and fires the girls from their godparent duties.

TV-14

12:09 PM

Cabin (DVS)

New Girl

Jess invites Nick and Angie to spend a couples' weekend with her and Sam. Once there, however, she quickly discovers that two's company and four's a crowd. Meanwhile, Winston tries to teach Schmidt about race relations.

TV-14

3:09 PM

Sherlock Holmes (DVS)

Sherlock Holmes has made his reputation finding the truth at the heart of the most complex mysteries. With the aid of Dr. John Watson, his trusted ally, the renowned "consulting detective" is unequaled in his pursuit of criminals of every stripe, whether relying on his singular powers of observation, his remarkable deductive skills, or the blunt force of his fists. But now a storm is gathering over London, a threat unlike anything that Holmes has ever confronted and just the challenge he's looking for. After a string of brutal, ritualistic murders, Holmes and Watson arrive just in time to save the latest victim and uncover the killer: the unrepentant Lord Blackwood. As he approaches his scheduled hanging, Blackwood--who has terrorized inmates and jailers alike with his seeming connection to dark and powerful forces--warns Holmes that death has no power over him and, in fact, his execution plays right into Blackwood's plans. And when, by all indications, Blackwood makes good on his promise, his apparent resurrection panics London and confounds Scotland Yard. But to Holmes, the game is afoot. Racing to stop Blackwood's deadly plot, Holmes and Watson plunge into a world of the dark arts and startling new technologies, where logic is sometimes the best crime-fighting weapon--but where a good right hook will often do the job.

TV-14

10:09 PM

Sherlock Holmes (DVS)

Sherlock Holmes has made his reputation finding the truth at the heart of the most complex mysteries. With the aid of Dr. John Watson, his trusted ally, the renowned "consulting detective" is unequaled in his pursuit of criminals of every stripe, whether relying on his singular powers of observation, his remarkable deductive skills, or the blunt force of his fists. But now a storm is gathering over London, a threat unlike anything that Holmes has ever confronted and just the challenge he's looking for. After a string of brutal, ritualistic murders, Holmes and Watson arrive just in time to save the latest victim and uncover the killer: the unrepentant Lord Blackwood. As he approaches his scheduled hanging, Blackwood--who has terrorized inmates and jailers alike with his seeming connection to dark and powerful forces--warns Holmes that death has no power over him and, in fact, his execution plays right into Blackwood's plans. And when, by all indications, Blackwood makes good on his promise, his apparent resurrection panics London and confounds Scotland Yard. But to Holmes, the game is afoot. Racing to stop Blackwood's deadly plot, Holmes and Watson plunge into a world of the dark arts and startling new technologies, where logic is sometimes the best crime-fighting weapon--but where a good right hook will often do the job.

TV-14

Monday, Sep 23
12:09 AM

Benefactor Factor, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

After meeting at a fundraising gala, an aged but wealthy, Caltech donor makes Leonard ponder if he's willing to have sex with her to secure another donation.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Toast Derivation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is in a crisis when he realizes he's not the epicenter of the group, so he decides to find new friends.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Zarnecki Incursion, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The guys become sleuths to find out who hacked Sheldon's online-game account.

TV-14

3:09 AM

Benefactor Factor, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

After meeting at a fundraising gala, an aged but wealthy, Caltech donor makes Leonard ponder if he's willing to have sex with her to secure another donation.

TV-14

4:09 AM

Toast Derivation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is in a crisis when he realizes he's not the epicenter of the group, so he decides to find new friends.

TV-14

5:09 AM

Zarnecki Incursion, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The guys become sleuths to find out who hacked Sheldon's online-game account.

TV-14

6:09 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

8:09 AM

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (DVS)

Framed for a crime they did not commit, the G.I. Joes must not only fight Cobra but also vindicate themselves to a government that condemned them.

TV-14

9:09 AM

Mr. Deeds (DVS)

When Deeds inherits controlling interest in a media corporation from his deceased uncle, he's quickly besieged by opportunists gunning for their piece of the pie. When Babe, a television tabloid reporter posing as an innocent smalltown girl, is sent to do an expose on Deeds, she instead feels herself falling in love.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Caddy, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Kramer befriends a caddy who helps him improve his golf game.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with Two Parts Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Monica squabble over two handsome doctors. Ross ponders his impending fatherhood with his own father.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey challenges Phoebe to perform a completely selfless act. Monica gets upset when Chandler gloats about sex. Ross might finally reconcile with Emily but he must make a tough decision.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica is bewildered by Rachel's reaction to a change in their living arrangement. Phoebe tries to make Ross confront his feelings for Rachel.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One Where They All Turn Thirty, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel crosses swords with her temporary replacement at the shop; Phoebe wreaks havoc on the set of Joey's soap opera.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One Where Joey Speaks French, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica and Chandler show Erica the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character. Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal, An (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

Bob's favorite holiday of all time, and this year he is determined to make it the most memorable Thanksgiving ever. However, the plans change when Mr. Fischoeder needs to hire Bob as his chef, and Linda and the kids as his family to stage the perfect Thanksgiving dinner and make a former flame jealous.

TV-14

Tuesday, Sep 24
12:09 AM

Fresh Heir (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter breaks his promise to take Chris on a fishing trip, leaving Chris feeling rejected. Lois suggests he spend more time with Carter, who has a broken leg and needs someone to take care of him.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Herpe the Love Sore (DVS)

Family Guy

Stewie is fascinated by the blood oath in The Outlaw Josey Wales and begs Brian to perform the same ritual with him. After some nagging, Brian finally relents. They cut their palms and firmly shake hands, thus becoming blood brothers. The next morning, Stewie wakes up to find his lip has broken out with herpes sores.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Baby Got Black (DVS)

Family Guy

Chris hits it off with Pam, a black girl from school who happens to be Jerome's daughter. Jerome doesn't approve because he thinks Chris is just interested in sex.

TV-14

3:09 AM

He's Bla-ack! (DVS)

Family Guy

With the Brown family moving back to Quahog, it looks like the old gang is reunited. But Peter's friendship with Cleveland is quickly put on hold when Donna and Lois butt heads over different parenting styles, and forbid them to see each other.

TV-14

4:09 AM

Episode 91297 (DVS)

Conan

Guest: Jeffrey Dean Morgan

TV-14

5:09 AM

Descent Into Darkness, The (DVS)

Final Space

The search for the stolen dimensional keys leads the crew to a planet being sucked into the Dark Zone. Hue and Ava get closer.

TV-14

6:09 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

7:09 AM

Episode 91297 (DVS)

Conan

Guest: Jeffrey Dean Morgan

TV-14

8:09 AM

Cadillac Part 1, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry surprises his parents with a new Cadillac.

TV-PG

9:09 AM

Shower Head, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry jokes about his uncle on television. Elaine fails a drug test.

TV-PG

10:09 AM

And the Sophie Doll (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

The girls take a bartending class in order to add cocktails to their dessert bar menu, but Caroline is forced to take the class exam alone when Max gets chicken pox from Han. Meanwhile, Sophie introduces a creepy lookalike video monitor doll to keep tabs on baby Barbara, which unsettles everyone.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the About FaceTime (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Randy and Max tire of Caroline being the third wheel on their FaceTime dates, so Randy sets her up on a date with one of his co-workers. Meanwhile, Oleg becomes distraught when Sophie tells him to sell his beloved car for a mini-van.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Bottle Deposit Part 1, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Jam, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks, The (DVS)

Friends

The friends find out about Monica's worst Thanksgiving ever.

TV-14

7:09 PM

One with Rachel's Big Kiss, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reveals a titillating secret about her and a former sorority sister. Ross and Chandler compete for wedding tuxedos.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One with Rachel's Date, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross is horrified when Rachel goes on a date with a soap-opera star. Phoebe is attracted to a clumsy chef whom Monica wants to fire.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One with Rachel's Dream, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel's visit to a soap opera set inspires her to dream about Joey; Chandler takes Ross on a weekend getaway after Monica cannot take time off from work.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One with Phoebe's Wedding, The (DVS)

Friends

A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Camp Refoogee (DVS)

American Dad

Stan tries to get Steve to attend summer camp; the only one he can find, however, turns out to be a refugee camp in Africa. Meanwhile, Roger and Francine take up role-playing, though they can't come up with a mutual backstory.

TV-14

Wednesday, Sep 25
12:09 AM

Failure Is Not a Factory-Installed Option (DVS)

American Dad

Stan loses his confidence, and his job, when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Internal Affairs (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter talks Joe into having an affair and gets into another epic fight with the giant chicken.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Wig Master, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry reconsiders buying a costly jacket by using Elaine's discount at the shop.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Agreement Dissection, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Priya uses her legal expertise to rip apart Sheldon's roommate agreement, and the women take the flustered Sheldon out dancing.

TV-PG

4:09 AM

Engagement Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Mrs. Wolowitz ends up in the hospital after Howard tells her he's marrying Bernadette. While there, Leonard stresses over Penny and Priya warming up to one another.

TV-14

5:09 AM

Skank Reflex Analysis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.

TV-14

6:09 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

7:09 AM

Episode 91298 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Anna Faris, Gavin Matts

TV-14

8:09 AM

Wait Out, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine anticipate dating soon-to-be-single friends.

TV-PG

9:09 AM

Fluffer (DVS)

New Girl

Nick and Jess address their relationship-without-benefits. Meanwhile, Winston has a lot on his mind besides Shelby. Then, hoping to date a beautiful Republican, Schmidt pretends to be one of presidential candidate Mitt Romney's sons.

TV-14

10:09 AM

And the Planes, Fingers and Automobiles (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max decides to head to Los Angeles to win back Randy, so she and Caroline embark on a cross-country road trip with Han at the wheel. Back in New York, Oleg takes charge of the diner and Sophie fills in as a waitress.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the Stalking Dead (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are cast as zombie extras at the Texas movie set where Randy works; Han and Oleg fire the contractor working on the dessert bar.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Foundation, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

George is ready to move on, but Susan's parents want to keep her memory alive.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Candy Hearts, The (DVS)

Friends

On Valentine's Day, Ross meets his ex-wife while on his first date in nine years. The girls rebel by burning mementos of past relationships.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One with the Breast Milk, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe unwittingly disgusts everybody. Joey competes with a fellow salesman.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One Where Eddie Won't Go, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One on the Last Night, The (DVS)

Friends

The guys and the women prepare for big changes in their living arrangements.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One with the Cheap Wedding Dress, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica battles another shopper for the perfect wedding dress. Ross and Joey compete for the same woman.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One Where the Stripper Cries, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on $100,000 Pyramid. Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper for Phoebe's bachelorette party.

TV-14

11:09 PM

Dungeons and Wagons (DVS)

American Dad

Stan gets mixed up in street racing to put some excitement back in his marriage. After Hayley breaks up with Jeff Fischer, Jeff becomes video game pals with Steve. In an attempt to get Jeff back, Hayley kills Steve's beloved video game character.

TV-14

Thursday, Sep 26
12:09 AM

Of Ice and Men (DVS)

American Dad

Stan's competitive streak is unleashed when he and Francine start ice dancing together. Stan dumps Francine to compete with Roger. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get a mail order Russian bride.

TV-14

1:09 AM

I Never Met the Dead Man (DVS)

Family Guy

Teaching Meg to drive, Peter wrecks a satellite dish; Stewie hates vegetables.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene, The (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

After Gene gets suckered into dating Courtney, his first girlfriend ever, the entire family wants him to break up with her when they decide she's totally annoying. But when Gene finally musters up the courage to end things, he falters after discovering that Courtney's father writes jingles and could possibly launch his music career.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Pulled Groin Extrapolation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Attending a co-worker's wedding, Leonard and Amy (MAYIM BIALIK) get to know each other better, while Howard and Bernadette spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz!

TV-PG

4:09 AM

Russian Rocket Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon and Leonard get invited to a housewarming party at WIL WHEATON's house; while Howard gets an out-of-this-world opportunity!

TV-PG

7:09 AM

Episode 91299 (DVS)

Conan

Guest: Gary Gulman

TV-14

8:09 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

10:09 AM

And the Turtle Sense (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline is excited to go out on her first date with Bobby, but she gets nervous jitters when she realizes Max will be in charge of the dessert bar solo for the first time. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg decide to mix things up and try going out on a date instead of staying in.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And the Jessica Shmessica (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline is invited to a party to meet Bobby's family but is unprepared when his mother and sisters keep comparing her to his previous girlfriend.

TV-14

1:09 PM

One with the Baby on the Bus, The (DVS)

Friends

Matt and Chandler try to attract women with baby Ben. Phoebe gets terminated from her singing job and replaced by a professional, Stephanie.

TV-PG

2:09 PM

One with the Prom Video, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.

TV-PG

3:09 PM

One Where No One's Ready, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.

TV-PG

4:09 PM

One with the Jellyfish, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross loves dating Rachel again but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Embryos, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe finds out whether she is pregnant or not. A simple challenge escalates into a full-blown contest between the guys and the women.

TV-PG

6:09 PM

One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks, The (DVS)

Friends

The friends find out about Monica's worst Thanksgiving ever.

TV-14

8:09 PM

One with the Cop, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey wonders if he is in love with Monica. Phoebe impersonates a police officer.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One with Unagi, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler gets into trouble with his homemade gift for Monica. Ross tries to teach martial arts to Rachel and Phoebe. Joey hires a look-alike.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One with the Proposal Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica asks Chandler to be her husband.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

One with the Rumor, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica encounters a high-school friend and invites him to Thanksgiving Day dinner.

TV-PG

Friday, Sep 27
12:09 AM

One Where the Stripper Cries, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on $100,000 Pyramid. Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper for Phoebe's bachelorette party.

TV-14

1:09 AM

Mind Over Murder (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter is under house arrest after punching a pregnant woman he thought was a man.

TV-PG

2:09 AM

Geology Elevation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A geologist coworker's MacArthur Genius fellowship award leaves Sheldon stone cold jealous. Meanwhile, Howard stumbles upon a remote-control Stephen Hawking action figure that he invented. Hawking appears as himself.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Birthday Synchronicity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The Wolowitz baby arrives, while Sheldon and Amy celebrate Amy's birthday.

TV-PG

5:09 AM

Romance Recalibration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

After a marital disagreement, Penny takes off for a spa weekend with Amy, and Sheldon steps in to play peacemaker for the squabbling newlyweds. Meanwhile, Howard and Raj do battle with a noisy floor in the baby's room.

TV-PG

6:09 AM

Soul Mate, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

George suspects the foundation attorney believes he murdered Susan.

TV-PG

7:09 AM

Episode 91300 (DVS)

Conan

Guest: Al Franken

TV-14

8:09 AM

Pontiac Bandit Returns, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The Pontiac Bandit is back in custody, where his knowledge of a Giggle Pig dealer earns him a plea deal; Gina and Boyle worry their parents are getting too close; Santiago makes Holt a Christmas present.

TV-14

9:09 AM

Beach House (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake ruins a detectives-only getaway to Charles' beach house by inviting Holt; Charles helps Rosa be romantic with her new boyfriend; Gina tries to get Amy drunk.

TV-14

10:09 AM

And the Alley-Oops (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline tries to embrace Bobby's hobby of bowling but she fears she is his bad luck charm when she accidentally injures his teammate's hand, which threatens their chance for a championship. Max uses her bowling prowess to get onto Bobby's team, and Sophie worries that baby Barbara might not be smart enough.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And 2 Broke Girls: The Movie (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

The girls and the diner gang prepare for their big night on the red carpet as the premiere of the film about Caroline's life arrives. Max and Caroline contemplate their future at the diner and the states of their love lives.

TV-14

4:09 PM

Package, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Kramer tries to scam the U.S. Postal Service to get a refund for Jerry's stereo.

TV-PG

5:09 PM

One with the Stoned Guy, The (DVS)

Friends

A restaurant owner interviews Monica for a chef's position. Ross asks Joey how to talk dirty to women.

TV-14

6:09 PM

One with Ross's Thing, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.

TV-PG

7:09 PM

One with the Worst Best Man Ever, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey loses Ross' treasured wedding ring. Phoebe has extreme mood variations from her pregnancy.

TV-PG

8:09 PM

One with the Ride Along, The (DVS)

Friends

The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.

TV-PG

9:09 PM

One with the Nap Partners, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe compete to be Monica's maid of honor but Monica doesn't want to make the decision. Chandler tries to apologize to a girlfriend from his youth.

TV-PG

10:09 PM

One with the Baby Shower, The (DVS)

Friends

During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's offer to move in to help with the child.

TV-PG

11:09 PM

Best Christmas Story Never Told, The (DVS)

American Dad

Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.

TV-14

Saturday, Sep 28
12:09 AM

American Dream Factory (DVS)

American Dad

Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, so he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor.

TV-14

1:09 AM

San Andreas (DVS)

A seemingly ideal day turns disastrous when California's notorious San Andreas fault triggers a devastating, magnitude 9 earthquake, the largest in recorded history. As the Earth cracks open and buildings start to crumble, Ray Gaines, an LAFD search-and-rescue helicopter pilot, must navigate the destruction from Los Angeles to San Francisco to bring his estranged wife and their only daughter to safety.

TV-14

2:09 AM

Doctor Strange (DVS)

After a terrible accident, Dr. Stephen Strange loses his ability to operate but finds new purpose when a mystical being known as the Ancient One reveals that Dr. Strange is the newly designated Sorcerer Supreme.

TV-14

4:09 AM

San Andreas (DVS)

A seemingly ideal day turns disastrous when California's notorious San Andreas fault triggers a devastating, magnitude 9 earthquake, the largest in recorded history. As the Earth cracks open and buildings start to crumble, Ray Gaines, an LAFD search-and-rescue helicopter pilot, must navigate the destruction from Los Angeles to San Francisco to bring his estranged wife and their only daughter to safety.

TV-14

5:09 AM

Hot Pursuit (DVS)

Strait-laced Officer Cooper is honored and thrilled to be assigned the seemingly simple task of escorting mob wife Daniella Riva across Texas, where she and her husband will testify against a major drug lord. It's a rare day out of the property room, and the intensely enthusiastic petite policewoman vows not to let her captain down. Having already earned the unfortunate distinction of prompting her own verb within the precinct, she is determined not to Cooper it this time. However, upon meeting the dynamic Mrs. Riva-a curvaceous Colombian beauty with opinions as strong as her accent-it's clear this will be no walk in the park.

TV-14

8:09 AM

Hot Pursuit (DVS)

Strait-laced Officer Cooper is honored and thrilled to be assigned the seemingly simple task of escorting mob wife Daniella Riva across Texas, where she and her husband will testify against a major drug lord. It's a rare day out of the property room, and the intensely enthusiastic petite policewoman vows not to let her captain down. Having already earned the unfortunate distinction of prompting her own verb within the precinct, she is determined not to Cooper it this time. However, upon meeting the dynamic Mrs. Riva-a curvaceous Colombian beauty with opinions as strong as her accent-it's clear this will be no walk in the park.

TV-14

5:09 PM

Hot Pursuit (DVS)

Strait-laced Officer Cooper is honored and thrilled to be assigned the seemingly simple task of escorting mob wife Daniella Riva across Texas, where she and her husband will testify against a major drug lord. It's a rare day out of the property room, and the intensely enthusiastic petite policewoman vows not to let her captain down. Having already earned the unfortunate distinction of prompting her own verb within the precinct, she is determined not to Cooper it this time. However, upon meeting the dynamic Mrs. Riva-a curvaceous Colombian beauty with opinions as strong as her accent-it's clear this will be no walk in the park.

TV-14

7:09 PM

Divergent (DVS)

In a future world, people are segregated into different factions based on their personalities. Tris Prior is categorized as Divergent and warned she will never fit into one of these groups. When Tris learns of a conspiracy to destroy all Divergents, she has to find out why being in that classification is so dangerous before it's too late.

TV-14

9:09 PM

Allegiant (DVS)

Tris escapes with Four to journey beyond the wall that encloses Chicago. For the first time, they leave the only city and family they have ever known to find a peaceful solution. Once outside, they learn shocking new truths that render old discoveries meaningless. As the ruthless battle threatens humanity, Tris and Four quickly decide who to trust to survive. Tris must ultimately make difficult choices about courage, allegiance, sacrifice and love

TV-14

10:09 PM

Insurgent (DVS)

After being exposed as Divergents, people who don't fit neatly into one of the five societal classifications or factions, Tris and Four find themselves on the run from Jeanine, the power-hungry leader of the Erudite faction. As the traitorous Dauntless troops under Jeanine's command prowl the ruins of dystopian Chicago rounding up Divergents, Tris and Four traverse the city hoping to find allies among the Amity, Candor, Abnegation and Dauntless factions-as well as the rebellious and impoverished mass of Factionless. Although heartsick and guilt-ridden over the violent deaths of her family and friends, Tris tries to uncover the secret her parents sacrificed their lives to protect - the very secret that explains why Jeanine will stop at nothing to capture her. Desperate to avoid causing pain to any more of her loved ones, Tris faces her darkest fears in a series of near-impossible challenges as she seeks to unlock the truth about the past, and ultimately the future, of their world.

TV-14

Sunday, Sep 29
12:09 AM

Allegiant (DVS)

Tris escapes with Four to journey beyond the wall that encloses Chicago. For the first time, they leave the only city and family they have ever known to find a peaceful solution. Once outside, they learn shocking new truths that render old discoveries meaningless. As the ruthless battle threatens humanity, Tris and Four quickly decide who to trust to survive. Tris must ultimately make difficult choices about courage, allegiance, sacrifice and love

TV-14

1:09 AM

Flaming Spittoon Acquisition, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.

TV-PG

2:09 AM

Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.

TV-PG

3:09 AM

Wedding Crashers (DVS)

Divorce mediators John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey are business partners and lifelong friends who share one truly unique springtime hobby--crashing weddings! Whatever the ethnicity of the wedding party--Jewish, Italian, Irish, Chinese, Hindu--the charismatic and charming duo always have clever back stories for inquisitive guests and inevitably become the hit of every reception, where they strictly adhere to their proven "rules of wedding crashing" to meet and pick up women aroused by the very thought of marriage. At the tail end of another successful season of toasting brides and grooms, Jeremy learns that the daughter of Treasury Secretary William Cleary and his wife, Kathleen, is getting married in what is sure to be the Washington D.C. social event of the year. After infiltrating the lavish affair, John and Jeremy quickly set their sights on two bridesmaids, Claire and Gloria Cleary. With the lavish reception in full swing, Jeremy works his game plan to perfection in seducing Gloria, but John's flirtation banter with Claire is unexpectedly impeded by her pompous, Ivy League boyfriend Sack. Having uncharacteristically fallen hard and fast for Claire, John convinces a resistant Jeremy to bend the crashing rules and accept an invitation to an extended weekend party at the Cleary family compound. Once at the palatial waterfront estate, John and Jeremy endure a multitude of comical mishaps at the hands of the dysfunctional members of the Cleary family, but also learn a few unexpected lessons about love and relationships.

TV-14

4:09 AM

Flaming Spittoon Acquisition, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.

TV-PG

5:09 AM

Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.

TV-PG

6:09 AM

Wedding Crashers (DVS)

Divorce mediators John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey are business partners and lifelong friends who share one truly unique springtime hobby--crashing weddings! Whatever the ethnicity of the wedding party--Jewish, Italian, Irish, Chinese, Hindu--the charismatic and charming duo always have clever back stories for inquisitive guests and inevitably become the hit of every reception, where they strictly adhere to their proven "rules of wedding crashing" to meet and pick up women aroused by the very thought of marriage. At the tail end of another successful season of toasting brides and grooms, Jeremy learns that the daughter of Treasury Secretary William Cleary and his wife, Kathleen, is getting married in what is sure to be the Washington D.C. social event of the year. After infiltrating the lavish affair, John and Jeremy quickly set their sights on two bridesmaids, Claire and Gloria Cleary. With the lavish reception in full swing, Jeremy works his game plan to perfection in seducing Gloria, but John's flirtation banter with Claire is unexpectedly impeded by her pompous, Ivy League boyfriend Sack. Having uncharacteristically fallen hard and fast for Claire, John convinces a resistant Jeremy to bend the crashing rules and accept an invitation to an extended weekend party at the Cleary family compound. Once at the palatial waterfront estate, John and Jeremy endure a multitude of comical mishaps at the hands of the dysfunctional members of the Cleary family, but also learn a few unexpected lessons about love and relationships.

TV-14

8:09 AM

And Strokes of Goodwill (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max introduces Caroline to the art of thrift store shopping, which takes a dangerous turn when a battle erupts over a T-shirt.

TV-14

11:09 AM

And Strokes of Goodwill (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max introduces Caroline to the art of thrift store shopping, which takes a dangerous turn when a battle erupts over a T-shirt.

TV-14